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I love that his first move was to grab the video camera.

Courtesy of a mass email forward.

Courtesy of a mass email forward.

City of Chicago
Fire Department
10 W. 35th St .
Chicago, Illinois

To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter in reference to Joseph D. O’Hara, firefighter applicant, regarding my knowledge of his overall character. I was asked to submit this letter, by Joseph, as part of his job application procedure.

I am a retired Chicago Police Department Lieutenant, having been employed by the City of Chicago in excess of 31 years. I am also Joseph’s uncle and have had a close relationship with him since his infancy. I am happy Joseph has reached this stage of his application process but still have no idea why he wants to be a fucking fireman. I believe this has to be something inherent, in that my mother used to love going to fires after hearing the sounds of a siren. In fact, I believe my mother was an arsonist, starting fires just to see them extinguished.

Joseph has a number of qualities which, not only, would make him a good fireman, but a great one. Joseph is Irish. Joseph loves doing real stupid things and nothing is more stupid than running into a burning building when all sensible pricks are running out. Joseph loves to drink, as most firemen like to do. I personally know Raymond McInerney Sr., one of the main drunken firemen dancers featured in the infamous video from a number of years ago. Although Joseph is nowhere near the age of the firemen involved, he’d be able to drink as well as them and dance like a fucking jagoff, too. With the fire department’s work schedule being twenty-four hour shifts, it demands firemen sleep at the house to which they’re assigned. Joseph would excel at this. As a matter of fact, Joseph would be able to sleep from the time he reports for duty until his shift ends. Joseph currently sleeps on the job just to practice basic firefighter skills. Lastly, Joseph likes listening to rap music and, therefore, would have a strong bonding point with all the shine firemen who have been forced upon the city by the fucking federal courts.

The last two things I’d like to add, although he has not yet been hired, he’d some day make a great engineer. Joseph loves driving fast and, thus, would get the truck to a fire faster than a safer, saner driver. In closing, Joseph has a number of pictures of naked firemen on his bedroom wall including a “Rescue Me” poster in which Denis Leary is depicted masturbating in a firehouse shower. Joseph is a natural.

Sincerely,
James O’Hara
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